Sometimes Things Aren't Always What They Seem
by Genuine-Discord
Summary: Remus overhears Sirius and Severus dong something in the kitchen one night, and he thinks the wrong way. Mind in the gutter, Remus suddenly finds that things aren't always as they seem... SS/SB SLASH OOC AU FLUFFY SNACK


**A/N: Just a silly little drabble I thought of the other night ;) Sometimes things aren't always what they seem, Remus, you pervert! R&R!**

"Ah!"

Remus froze and pressed his ear against the kitchen door of Number 12, Grimmuald Place, attempting to discern the source of the sound.

"Argh! Black, that hurts, damn it!"

Remus jerked back slightly. That was definitely Snape's silky voice resounding from within the adjacent room.

"Well if you would just stop squirming it wouldn't hurt as much, you slimy bastard!" Sirius snarled back, voice muffled slightly by the wall.

A loud thud resonated from within the kitchen, and Remus felt heat rush to his cheeks. The two couldn't be…no, of course they weren't. How silly of him to think-

"B-Black! Stop it! I told you, it hurts when you do that!" Severus practically shouted.

"Oh, shut up! You're the one who wanted help with your 'little problem'!" Sirius snapped back.

"Argh! Black! Mmnnm, that hurts!" Snape's normally icy voice trailed off in a whine, and it was clear that he was in pain.

Remus felt his face heat again in a burning blush, mouth slightly agape with mortification.

"Oh, shut up." Sirius muttered grumpily.

Another, softer thud followed, and Snape bit back a whimper of pain.

"Black…please…" He finally begged several quiet minutes later.

"Oh, hush. I'm working on it. Honestly, Snape, I would have thought you'd show a little more gratitude towards me." Sirius sighed quietly, than a bit more loudly-a clear reaction to something Snape had done. "And why don't you just call me Sirius?"

"Y-You aren't calling me Severus…"

"So? I'm doing this with you, aren't I?"

"AH!" Snape cried. "Be careful with that thing!"

"Thing? Excuse me, this is not a 'thing'!" Sirius scoffed.

Another bang resulted from something that was happening from within the kitchen, then the scrape of wood on the flagstones of the kitchen floor.

"Then what is it? I'm not idolizing you after this, you know." Snape groaned softly to punctuate the last syllable.

"I like to call it my big, special-"

"AGH!" Wood scraped against stone again, and Snape cried out in pain. "Stop it!"

"Oh, just shut up and take it like a man!" Sirius shouted.

"I am! You think I would rather just lay here and take it like a woman?" Snape spat back, anger slicking his voice.

"Well, that's what you're acting like!" Sirius retorted viciously.

"I hate you." Snape grumbled quietly.

"Hah, right back at you, Snape." Sirius growled softly.

Remus swallowed awkwardly as the room fell quiet. A few soft grunts followed, than a deep sigh.

"There, all done." Sirius said nonchalantly.

A rustle of fabric followed, than wood scraping across stone again.

"…" Snape sighed. "Thank you, Black. That was most…helpful."

"You're welcome. Just don't expect it to ever happen again."

"I don't want it to."

"Neither do I."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Well…I'll be going then."

"Bye, Snape."

"Good bye, Black."

Remus scurried backwards and into the living room as the door clicked open. Snape strode into the hallway, left arm cradled close to his chest.

The sleeve on that arm was rolled up to his elbow, and the lower part of his arm was heavily bandaged in white gauze. Snape sighed quietly, then ran his fingers through his bangs and finished buttoning up his black cloak. Then, the Potions Master turned and headed for the door.

Sirius exited the kitchen just as Snape closed the front door and Apparated back to Hogwarts. The Animagus entered the living room and smiled at his old friend. "Hey, Moony. Why are you so red in the face?"

"Um…" Remus swallowed nervously. "W-Was that Snape?"

"Yeah, he got hurt at a Death Eater meeting, so I helped him patch his arm up if he promised not to call me 'mutt' for the next few meetings. He didn't wanna' see Madam Pomfrey, but he kept whining about it hurting too much."

Sirius shrugged one shoulder as Remus' blush faded and he licked his lips.

"So, you helped him?"

"Yeah, but it won't happen again."

Sirius smiled and nodded, moving to the stairs. "See you later, Moony."

"Bye Padfoot." Remus croaked.

The werewolf sank into an armchair and buried his face in his hands, frantically struggling to regain his breath. Sometimes, things aren't always as they seem.


End file.
